God save the Queen

When a person hasn’t slept for a long enough period of time, they reach a point when reality and fantasy blur. It may come in the form of an imaginary person crossing the road, or perhaps hearing your own name when no one is around. Sometimes reality is subdued. Tunnel vision, loss of hearing, loss of rational thought: the earmarks of a clear lack of sleep.

Roger hadn’t slept in two weeks, and he had crossed this point over a week ago. He attributed the insomnia to stress: stress from his job, his bills, his dog who, as of yet, refused to pee anywhere but the living room throw-rug.

His hallucinations had become severe. Today, Roger carried around a sword and a shield. He believed he did, at any rate. When other people encountered Roger, what they saw was a man reach to his hip, and then thrust his fist toward their belly as they walked by. What Roger experienced however, was the faithful carrying out of his orders to vanquish all spies of the Queen. He knew that she would reward his vigilance. This afternoon alone, Roger had managed to carry out justice on no less than 50 people, including his wife, kids, babysitter, mailman, taxi driver, manager, senior manager, convenience clerk, accountant, therapist, 15 random traitors he saw on the street, and his dog, whom the Queen had warned was one the most dangerous of them all. God save the Queen.

Roger preferred to walk to work, and as he rounded the corner to his street, a large carriage pulled by four brown horses pulled up. The driver hopped down from the bench, tilted his hat to Roger, then drew open the carriage doors. A slim man with small spectacles stepped down, removed his hat, and bowed to Roger. Roger returned the bow. After killing spies all day, it was nice to see some gentlemen, men that were still loyal to her Majesty.

The man introduced himself as Mr. Blythe, and informed Roger that he was dispatched on behalf of the prime minister to inform Roger that the Queen was dead. She had been killed by Roger’s mother-in-law. “That damned woman. I never trusted her.” Roger unsheathed his sword and ran down the street to his car, screaming and wailing the entire way.